To School or Not…Choices

Readers Question                                                            via e-mail 4-25-2009

ok. how do i merge my daughter from the waldorf school’s kindergarten she will be graduating from as of 6/10 this year into a radical unschooling life for her?  i have a 6.5yo daughter and a 17 mo son. my daughter presently says she does NOT wish to be unschooled. i don’t think she is capable of choosing this for herself at age 6. and i don’t like the restrictions placed on her at the school. i told her jokingly yet meant truthfully as well… “you MAY sit if everyone else is standing. you MAY stand if everyone is sitting.  you MAY pick your nose if you need to. you MAY fart if you need to.  you MAY run free if you want to. you do not need to excuse yourself from a meal. you MAY add more water to your sand fun… etc.” she was laughing so hard. its so funny how the waldorf teachers talk to the kids…actually, its sad. its pathetic… tra la la la ‘you may’ and ‘you may not’. so. dumb.
 
did you take your kids out of school? i notice you’ve been RU for 5 years now.
thanks, tracy.

Tracy’s Answer

Hi!  I totally understand where you are coming from, that “you may do this or you may do that” is very condescending in my opinion!  You also can not come into unschooling from the stance of “I know what’s best for you” either.  I believe we need to honor our children’s thoughts, ideas, emotions and decisions no matter what age.  The reason being I want our children to be able to always stay in touch with their inner knowing, their true selves

I also believe we, as their parents have plenty of experience and wisdom to share with them.  I know I believe in unschooling and I am a trained teacher…lol!  I hear that you believe in unschooling and I think that is awesome!  I also hear that your daughter is not so sure about leaving school.  She is very young and not able to fully understand the implications of what others are imposing on her, so of course she needs your guidance.  The question lies in what kind of guidance does she need?  She does not need us to be condescending like the school is being, I believe she needs to be heard and valued as I said earlier. I have some concrete suggestions;

• Ask her what she LOVES about school
• Ask her what she loves about being at home
• Ask her what she does not like about each
• You keep an active listening ear for clues as to what need is being met at school and how you could fill that need (or needs) at home!
• Don’t try to talk her into unschooling, I would not even worry about using the word unschooling, just say stay at home or homeschooling.
• If what she wants to do at home looks more like school at home in the beginning, just go with the flow. I’m guessing she will flow naturally to unschooling…most kids with a choice do!

Because she has gone to school, I’m guessing for a few years now, she has been indoctrinated into the system.  You will have to be patient with her and empower her.  To me that is one of the coolest things about unschooling, it is the idea of empowering our children to be in charge of their education and in charge of their lives…that just feels so right to me!

You asked about my families personal journey away from school, so I will share a little about how that looked for us. My son was also 6 and had be to Montessori type preschool, then started regular kindergarten. He lasted not all of 2 weeks and was brought home, he has sensory integration issues that made public school pretty much impossible for him to tolerate. He wanted to come home and it was a pretty smooth transition.  My Daughter was 8 and in a charter Montessori school (who did not have kindergarten).  She had always done well in school, preforming well (yuck) in their opinion, had lots of friends and did not want to come home that fall. She stayed in school until spring and decided on her own that she wanted to join us at home…YIPEE…I couldn’t have been happier So, I really did not have any kind of issue with her not wanting to be at home.  I just supported her and let her know how I felt also, which is I would really love it if she came home!

Sometimes what we resist, persists. Maybe try to became more unattached to the whole thing.  Relax and make being home with you irresistible!!  Take care and have FUN!

4 comments April 26, 2009